Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What to do?

In the midst of freaking out about a 500 word anecdote that I have to write today in French and an impending Literature essay due next Thursday (not to mention the frenzy that is uni this week--it's the week of the Student Union elections, where political parties I've never known about before have started to get last-minute support from indifferent people like myself), in the midst of all this...I've found a timeslot (7 in the morning, how ideal) to write a random blog entry. I don't quite know how this entry will turn out, I'll just have to go with the flow.

One thing I could start talking about is how uni is starting to trip me out. I don't quite know why I'm there or what direction I'm heading in. It's just been the case that for the last several years (ever since I knew about higher education) I've wanted to end up at a university. I thought that's where all the job opportunities were. Now I'm not so sure uni can offer me what I want (I'm even less certain about what it is that I want). I know I like cinema and I know with my degree I can major in cinema studies, and yet I wonder if everyone who pursues a career in the film industry goes through uni to do so. I mean, those who want to be a doctor need to do medicine, and those who want to be a lawyer need to do law. But I don't feel like an arts degree gives such direction, unless I want to do postgraduate studies. So yeah I'm at a cross-road there.

If there's one thing I semi-know, I think it's that I want to help people (and that's a broad thing to say), but I don't want to be a political activist or attempt to represent everybody, I just want to work with small groups/individuals (it almost sounds like I want to be a psychologist but I don't think I do...). I think if I can help people--say, with education, employment, family problems etc--then that would make me feel like I'm achieving something, even moreso than being a university graduate. But again, I don't know. I'm afraid of choosing the wrong career path, it's a fear that's been instilled in me by my parents. The underlying belief is that, if you change career paths then you'll always have a tendency to change your mind and you'll never settle to one thing or be grounded. But maybe it's not such a bad thing to constantly circulate and change your mind. Maybe that means that you're open to change and you're open to the idea that nothing needs to be the way it is. It's something I'm going to have a difficult time to come to terms with.

Tis all a matter of taking risks. I think it was Katharine Hepburn (or another like-minded person-maybe Ingrid Bergman?) who said that the only thing she regretted was the things she didn't do. But don't get me wrong, I admit that being a bit grounded is good and that there are some things that are never good to do (like inflicting deliberate pain on others, for one), but there is the flip-side of risks: they're the ones that help you to move forward.

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